Soul Cravings

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I get hungry sometimes, for more than just food. Sure, a pint of Ben & Jerry's will satisfy me, but do you ever get cravings for the intangible? For the unimaginable?

It's like an itch. I start craving certain music, and it's stuck in my head all day with the only way of fixing it being that I listen to the music I'm hungry for. Some days, the music I have been listening to just doesn't scratch that itch and I find I have to listen to a completely new genre of music, or even just avoid music in general for a few days. It's like a sound hangover and the remedy is simply silence.

Or, there are movies. My brother and I are notorious for speaking to each other in movie and video quotes. These lines and bits of film will sometimes get snagged in my mind and I have to pull it out and watch it. Sometimes the craving is like a short clip from a movie, I don't remember what it's from, but I have to figure it out. It could be just the beginning notes of All Boundaries are Conventions from the Cloud Atlas film or the sound as Nani from Lilo and Stitch sobbed and fell to her knees. Sometimes it's a quote, I hear the voice, the cadence, the sounds of the movie in my head in that seconds-long mental-clip and I have to figure out what it is coming from. From there, after I've remembered where the bit comes from, I need to watch it to satisfy that memory.

I get cravings for real-life too. Sometimes it's a craving for Ryan's arms and warm blankets at home. A craving to know what my fingers tracing the shape of his lips while he sleeps feels like. I hunger for the feelings outside my own body. What others see, what they feel, to live a different life in a different body in a whole new world. It's terribly untethering, these feelings and desires of being outside myself.

The fiction-life cravings are the worst, though. When I've pushed myself outside of the real world too long, either through reading or too much TV watching with minimal human interaction, I start feeling the real world just isn't enough. It hurts and it feels unfair, like I should be somewhere other than where I am just then. It often feels like the real world isn't real enough and nothing in it could make me happier than to be a character in one of the books I'm reading or in the world of a show I devoured entirely in a day.

It's a constant battle in my mind, but I wouldn't give it up. I think these odd cravings give me insight and make my own world a little more interesting.

What does your soul crave?


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